How Could You Do This (Updated)

Recommended music: Hide and Seek by Imogen Heap.
------------------------------------------

I slumped forward against the cracked window, not caring if it cut me. Terrible numbness suffused my limbs, as if I had been wandering somewhere cold. My eyes were dry, but they ached, and my throat felt twisted and tight. All I could focus on was the fog of my breath on the fractured glass.

I heard the office door open behind me, then close as someone entered. Without a sound, I knew it was him. Something in my chest snapped tight as I felt his presence, but I refused to say anything to him, to look at him. In that moment, I hated him with every fiber of my flesh and soul. So I waited in silence for what seemed like hours, tense, grinding my teeth so hard my jaw hurt.

"Ikaelo, I-"

"No!" It came out of my mouth as a strangled shriek as I whipped around, turning on him with all of my fury and sorrow. "Don't you dare say anything! How can you even bring yourself to speak to me? You're a goddamn monster, and I don't want to hear your voice ever again!"

"I'm sorry," he said quietly. "I didn't have a choice."

"You didn't have a choice?!" My own voice was ringing in my head. "You forced me to destroy the only thing I've ever wanted, that I've spent my life looking for. You made me kill the the one being in all existence like me, who might understand me, who might have kept me from being completely alone. You ordered me to rip my own heart out - and you have the gall to tell me that it's NOT YOUR FAULT?!" I didn't even remember advancing on him, or him walking toward me, but somehow we were now only steps apart.

"If I could have done it instead of you - I would have."

I launched myself at him. I heard screams that I didn't recognize as my own, wordless anguished rage, as I swung at him. I connected, hard, felt the impact shudder through hands as numb and lifeless as deadwood, wound up and swung again. He didn't say anything, and worse, he didn't try to stop me. I wished he had. I wanted him to fight back, to give me a reason to unleash all the white-hot pain inside me. But he did nothing, and I hated him all the more for it.

"How could you do this?!" I raged, pounding over and over against his chest. "How could you do this to me?! You were my friend! He was my friend!" I barely knew what I was saying, sobbing now, wetness slicking my face. "How could I kill my friend? He was like me, he was the only one like me! How could I?"

I wasn't hitting him any more. I just sagged against his body like a discarded doll, utterly broken to my core. I felt his arms around me, pressing me against him. I sank to my knees on the floor, wings spread lifeless on the ground, my forehead against his chest. "Oh Gods..." The words cracked, barely able to squeeze out of my throat. "Baramus what have I done?" My body shuddered uncontrollably, a yawning black pit torn open in my chest as I fought to breathe in painful choked gasps.

I felt his arms tighten, locking me close, as he began to rock back and forth. I heard the sound as a dull murmur washing past for long moments before I recognized it as words - words being repeated over and over again.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry." At that, the last of my strength deserted me in a single wracking sob. I went limp, curled in his arms, my face buried in his shirt, and felt the soul-deep wave of grieve surge through me like the tide. And we both wept, like children lost in the dark.

------------------------------
This one is for the Saddest Moment Prompt Challenge at , and I wanted to take a page out of :devSleyf's: book and put a little story with one of my pictures. It seems bit melodramatic, I know, but really it's less so in context. The backstory is that after a lifetime of searching across dozens of worlds, Ikaelo finally found another nefelim (half-human/half-Serafim). Unfortunately, this nefelim, Aaras, came from a human mother and angelic father - the opposite of Ikaelo - which tends to result in them going made and becoming an unstoppable agent of destruction. As Aaras did. When he lost control and his transformation began, regular weapons ceased to have any effect. At that point their power and raw size protects them, and a holy sword was needed to kill him. If he had been allowed to live, his rampage would have killed thousands... so Baramus ordered Ikaelo to kill Aaras. She obeyed because deep down she knew she had to do it to save everyone, but it still broke her heart.

So she went home and trashed the office, leading to the scene above when Baramus catches up to her. It's not only Ikaelo's saddest moment, but it marks the first time in the sorry that Baramus is genuinely sorry for something.

(On an artistic level, I think I finally found a wing design that I like, based on the colors of the Indian Roller and its cousins. It still need a lot of finalizing - this image isn't great for setting down wings patterns, since her wings are really stylized here - but I feel much closer to having a solid wing design for Ikaelo than ever before. Yay! Also, I edited the lighting on ~Khezix's suggestion, so thanks Khez!)